I'm in the midst of writing a Ferris Bueller's Day Off slash fanfic. It seized me from out of nowhere, one of those horrible inspirations I didn't ask for, but must obey. My beta and best friend, Vanessa, reacts to the news:

Vanessa: so, this Ferris Bueller obsession. where did that come from?
Anton: I wish I knew.
Anton: I think my sexuality was premantently warped by Ferris Bueller.
Vanessa: that explains a lot.
Anton: I know. Like Matt.
Vanessa: Matt was soooo Ferris Bueller.
Anton: I know, right?
Anton: Except not popular.
Vanessa: so, you're working out your issues through fanfiction?
Anton: When have I done anything else?
Vanessa: god, what were you like in high school.
Anton: Fucked up.
Vanessa: i wish i remembered.
Anton: And I'm glad you don't.
Vanessa: awww.
Anton: I was really boring. Matt was the only interesting thing about my life.
Vanessa: Matt was not that interesting
Anton: I beg to differ.
Anton: That's my Ferris, you're talking about.
Anton: Wait, don't you think Nate is kind of Cameron?
Vanessa: yeah, sort of.
Anton: Who does that make me?
Vanessa: Sloan?

- - - -

Vanessa and I went to the same high school, although we didn't know each other at the time. Matt was my high school....thing. Nate was/is my most recent...thing, and he's definatly kind of Cameron. My life is weird, and fanfiction only makes it weirder.

I have scads of fic that have never been read but by myself, Vanessa, and a few close friends. I've been reading over my lost fic to see if it's worth archiving and I have found a few things:

1. Ellipses were apparently my best friend.

2. Starting a sentence with a conjunction was my second-best friend,

3. Apparently, everyone in the Buffyverse owns handcuffs.

Good times.

Man, it must be a sin for me to enjoy reading my own stories like I do. This only applies to stories I wrote months, if not years ago (although not my really, really early stuff, which was shit). Any story I have written within the last fiscal quarter I consider to be the worst thing ever put on paper by human hands. But then, I'll go back and read, say, Complex and I'm weeping like a little girl reading Black Beauty for the first time.

What is wrong with me?

Thank you, Google cache, for resurrecting my dream story.

Seriously. Law and Order: SVU. Stabler/Huang. Mind games. Hot.

So, I'm back on the wagon. Or I've fallen off it, depending on your prespective.

Tonight, I'm devouting my time to correcting the spelling errors on my website (which are numerous) and worrying about how my new story is going to be recieved over in the Batfic community.

I admit that getting torn apart is much better then being ignored. It admit it readily, as one who knows.

Anton is back, after a long, long hiatus. Various housing woes, no internet, and general sluggishness have kept me from the fandom world for a while.

The best thing about my fandom drop-outs is that when I come back there's scads and scads of new stuff for me to read, news to catch up on, etc, etc. I haven't been writing much, either. I find that I can't really write unless I'm also reading fanfic. It's an oddity. I suppose I need the inspiration.

Speaking of which, Smallville is providing enough of that this season! Boy howdy! Expect me to roll with the angst any day now.

I've been completely consumed with a Ginger Snaps fic at the moment. I can't seem to get anywhere with any of the thousands upon thousands of bunnies that one viewing of this film brings forth within me. An-noy-ing.

And uh, yeah, boys? What are boys?

I haven't written about a penis in so long.

On IM, last night:

Anton: Ohmigah!!! Te liked Heart-Rot!!!!!!
Vanessa: Tetetetetete. Te. Te.
Vanessa: Why don't you get Te to be your loyal beta reader?
Anton: She'd never have me.
Anton: I mean I love you!
Vanessa: Shut up.
Anton: Te did catch that I messed up the tenses, after all.
Vanessa: What about your new grammar beta?
Anton: She didn't pick it up either.
Vanessa: Three people? Didn't pick this up?
Anton: What can I say? Te is a god.
Vanessa: SHUT UP!!!!!

Heart-Rot

by Anton Rex

Summary: Harley is the parasite, Ivy is the host
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy

Thanks to the Postindustrialist for the beta and my long suffering Vanessa for the sex tips.

( Pamela had a vision of this world... )

All criticism, etc. is welcome.

It makes me pout when it's assumed that only fangirls write slash. Poo.

Vanessa said "Welcome to my world!" and will probably send me the link to that UGO article about "comics even your girlfriend will like". She has that thing saved on her bookmarks and she talks about all the time. I can definatly understand the impulse.

I don't think people know how much it sucks ass to be a queer geek boy. It really, really sucks ass. I'm not sure if sucks ass more being a geek girl...at least they have a community of their peers.

Fun Fact: Vanessa and I often spend a great deal of time patrolling the internet for the bizarrest slash we can find to torment and titilate each other with.

My search for Sealab fanfic turned up only this:

"Confidential to the person who found my site with a Google search for "Sealab 2021 slash fiction:" Sorry, I got nothin'."

Boo! And yet, hilarious.

I have yet to meet a Pirates of the Caribbean fanfic that was even remotely in character, which is sad to me. It's another outgrowth of the fact that most fanfic writers seriously lack subtlety. Myself included some of the time, I'll admit.

Unfortunatly, I'm not really the man for the job. I don't think I could do much better then the denizens of ff.net, but at least I know my weaknesses.

Will I, in fact, spend hours upon hours working on a fic attempting to deftly combine smut with psychological probing? Yes, I will. Will I, in fact, despise the results and end up miserable and hot in my non-airconditioned room at 4:45 in the morning? Yes, I will.

V. is all "I love it!! But the ending is uneven."

Ok, then, V, who do I fix it?

"I don't know, you're the damn writer."

BOO!

Will I ever be convinced that I don't suck at sex scenes? NO. Also, I love Te so much, and how in God's name does she know my Robins inside and out like she bloody lives in their heads?? HOW?

Honestly? The DC slashdom as it currently is wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for her jump starting that shit. For real, I remember a few years ago when good DC slash was few and far between and really, really hard to find, and then, Te gets into it and bam! Suddenly everyone's writing it.

It's amazing. Thank god she uses her power for good instead of for evil.

I love my outta-nowhere smut obsessions, the odder the better. However, I really need to draw the line at Boy Meets World. I mean, really. Damn ABC Family for their reruns, and damn me and my addled little mind.

Other then that, I've been on a real femslash kick, also from the department of What the Hell? Vanessa says she always knew I was secretly a lesbian.

You know, if the end of this season of Smallville really was the big break up, it was really, really anti-climatic and unsexy.

That literally just occured to me. I guess I assumed that there was more to come, but what if there isn't? Then I've offically wasted three years on this.

Oh, well. I've wasted more on less.

Not that I don't love V., and all, but I really need a second beta, someone with actual grammar skills.

I was re-reading A Lonely Place of Dying, and my god! Tim is such a gay. The fact that he comments on Bruce's Erte statue...it really doesn't get more gay gay gay then that.

Also, that's like the worst title ever. I would never be able to live with myself if I named a fanfic A Lonely Place of Dying, for God's sake.

God damn, have I really not been on this thing since January? How could I be so remiss?

I seem to have just woken up from this unfandom coma I've been in, largely thanks to the horrors being inflicted on my psyche from the current Batman comics continuity. I hate being tortured. I hate that I let it happen to me. As if I didn't have enough pain in my fanlife thanks to this season of both Angel and Smallville. My fandom's Powers that Be are such sadists.

But, damn, it hurts so good.

Anyway, I did do my challange for V, but it ended up being too full of our own personal quirks and references to be of any use to anyone else. I did get some kernels for future fics, though.

V is now trying to get me to write more strictly within fandom, particularly in my Batman stories. I tend to play fast and loose with Batdom, partially because of my own experience with it (I went from live action show to cartoon to comic, and in comics I started with Dark Knight Returns) and partially because Dick/Bruce is my OTP. She's such a B-man purist, and I'm so....not. Isn't twisting fandom to suit one's needs what fanfic is all about???

I heart her, anyway, but honestly, V. Stop being such a GEEK.

Yay! V, my dearest, darling beta number one (alpha beta? prehaps?) has given me a CHALLANGE.

I've never been challanged before! I'm terribly bad at making friends, even in a place as socially dyfunctional as fandom. I tend to be a lone ficcer, slinking in the shadows of the 'doms, elusive and mysterious. The Batman of fanfic? You could say that. Only without the prestige.

So, my first challenge. The challenge is to write a short fic (V doesn't believe in the word 'drabble') for every song currently on my playlist.

And we have:

Fever- Kylie Minogue
Relax- Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Possibly Maybe- Bjork
Cry Me a River- Justin Timberlake
The Last Time I Saw Richard- Joni Mitchell
Blue Blood- X-Japan
Joan of Arc- Leonard Cohen
Let It Bleed- The Rolling Stones
In Your Eyes- Kylie again
Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran

...AWESOME. I might have to skip on the Justin one, though, as, come on- a fic named after a Justin Timberlake song? COME ON! Are we 13? Nay. I'm kind of sketch on the Duran Duran number too, because, it's going to be very hard NOT to have that be an Oz fic. Luckily Oz/Xander does nothing for me, so I think I can avoid it well enough.

I'm xxxcited.

HOLY SHIT.

I got The Dark Knight Strikes Again for Chanukkah (thanks, T.!), and...holy shit.

Number of times I said "Oh MY God" outloud: 3
Number of times I almost burst into tears: 1

It's like....the best fanfic ever written. HOLY SHIT.

That's all.